Jack's Birthday

My son turns 20 today, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I recognize the inevitability of him spreading his wings. Being independent. Eventually, not needing to rely on his daddy. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?

Can’t help feeling very sentimental knowing Jack is no longer a teenager. I guess, as parents, if we do our jobs correctly and have a little luck, we are working toward our own obsolescence.

Right?

Weird for me to draw this parallel but I am going for it anyway …

This week we had to replace an a/c unit. It had become obsolete. Needing changed. Out with the old and in with the new. Soon we will NEED a new computer or a new phone or replace my SUV which has 180,000 miles on it. These things are welcome changes.

Right?

Nope.

I hate getting a new air conditioner (mostly because of the price). Getting a new phone means learning about the UI changes and moving apps. Sometimes painful. I remember not wanting to switch from my old Toyota 4Runner which had about 200k miles on it to the Acura SUV which now is approaching the same stage in life.

As a human, change is inevitable. Evolution is natural.

As a parent, I am constantly fearful of inadequacy and self-doubt and have a firm fear of moving forward.

Note to self: if you want to be a better parent, learn that every stage in life is naturally meant to end. Embrace the next stage. Look forward to it. If I can be successful at this, I can demonstrate not fearing change or feeling stuck or anxious about the future.

After all, I am a parent and want better for my child. Teach him not to fear change.

OK. Lesson to self over.

I am going to see if Jack wants to play catch in the front yard.

Oh crap, I guess I’ll never learn. :)